Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings
PSALM 17:8 (NIV)
A crisis of identity
Who I think I am, and who I am trying to be – is a strong driving force behind my behaviour, choices and reactions each day. In the craziness and out of control spin that was my life for a while, The Lord showed me that my identity was incorrectly placed. Incorrectly placed identity contributes greatly to our sense of overwhelm. Read my earlier post, Overcome Overwhelm – The first Step. What (or who) do you place your sense of identity in? Who are you?
I remember leaving teaching to have my first son. I was a passionate teacher. I loved my kids and poured myself wholeheartedly into them, to the extent that I cried when it was time for holidays! (I know – crazy!) But as a result, I had built up a good reputation with parents and staff alike. The students in my class were happy and flourished. I was involved in many areas of school life and extra mural activities. Certain of my decision to leave teaching, I was surprised with a crisis of identity when it actually happened. When I went shopping, I no longer had children running up to me and wrapping their arms around me in delight. When I popped in to visit at the school I had taught at, only a few recognised me. My identity had been wrapped up in my career. In my PERFORMANCE …in DOING! In being seen, recognised and “known”.
Who was I now?
I suddenly compassionately understood how retirees felt. Years and years in a single profession, being highly esteemed and respected – into a comparatively simple, unglamorous retired life! Thankfully this was, for me, only a very small and short-lived identity crisis..but one which I looked back on often to gain fresh understanding.
This crisis of identity reared its ugly head again, years later. In the throes of parenting, farming, homeschooling, housekeeping, I lost my joy. Trying to keep all those “balls” in the air…and more..I felt my life spinning out of control. I was determined I could do it all. I was only content f I had accomplished everything I had set out to do each day, and since that rarely happened, I considered myself a failure. At one stage, we leased another farm, and the workload was way more than two of us could manage. But when my sensible husband suggested hiring help, I would hear none of it. This would confirm I was failing. I determined I could do it. And I tried. I chopped down trees, and dragged heavy branches, while trying to take good care of a 2 and 4 year old, as well as my older children. Since I was merely human, this clearly could not last. I was exhausted, and depressed and bitter.
I’m not sure when, in life, I adopted this belief that it was in “doing” that I achieved success, or self-fulfilment. But it caused me to become someone I really didn’t like. I was recording daily in my journal that I had lost my temper, been disrespectful to my husband, complained, been irritable and was asking for forgiveness over and over. Thanking God for His forgiveness and fresh start – and pleading with Him not to give up on me. I could not see it then – yet it was so simple. My identity should not have been in my productivity!
Mistaken Identity
Thankfully, God is so creative and we are all made so differently. You may find my identity in compulsively being productive just a little… odd! But many of us find our identity in other things like –
- the approval of others,
- being in control of our circumstances,
- our outward appearance,
- our intelligence,
- our children’s behaviour,
- our husband’s opinion,
- our career,
- our financial status,
- our “busyness”,
- our friends,
- our social media presence,
- our sporting ability,
- living up to the expectations of those around us,
- being known,
- having recognition,
- a label we were given or gave ourselves in childhood,
- our insecurities, weaknesses or failures
- our strengths and achievements
Whatever our identity lies in, drives everything we do. How exhausting to try to achieve or live up to any or many of the ideas listed above!
I felt like I had to have a clean house, keep up on the farmwork, be the perfect mother – have homeschooling up to date, teach my children enthusiastically, read with them, bake with them, have fun with them – cook delicious meals, entertain, teach Sunday school and the list goes on. But if anything went awry, and my plans were waylaid, I became irritable and grumpy. Most often, I took my frustrations out on my husband who seemed, from my complex and frantic point of view, to have a straightforward, simple life. I, sadly, mistook his peaceful clarity of mind, and the certainty of his role, work and limits for “easy”. I was very wrong. He was certain of his identity. I certainly was not!
When false identity is stripped away
Motherhood has the uncanny ability to strip us of our false identity. It lays us bare, and often what we see is not very nice. Careers, sports pursuits, charity work and social engagements often are impossible to pursue, especially in the early mothering years. We often feel unattractive, out of control, out of touch, unseen, unapplauded and caught up in the mundane. Nothing is glamorous, and yet it keeps us busy and tired…accomplishing, what seems like…nothing!
This is exactly where The Lord wants us. This is the moment to wrestle with truth. When all is stripped away...who am I?
So where should my identity lie?
For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].
Ephesians 2:10 (Amplified Bible)
Our Lord, in His perfect wisdom, has made us His perfect workmanship. You are His work of art. God has created you, in Christ, to do good works, walking in paths HE has set. Think on that. We walk in the paths HE has set. NOT the paths WE have set. We are already sufficient. He has already equipped us. If only we would walk His path.
Mary Ann Mayo says:
“As God’s workmanship, we deserve to be treated and to treat ourselves, with affection and affirmation, regardless of our appearance or performance”
Mary Ann Mayo
Regardless of our performance, we are His workmanship.
I think of how a young child can fight sleep. Utterly exhausted, their mother rocks and pats and sings, yet they fight and struggle and strive against it, thinking they know best. When a peaceful sleep is the solution their tired little bodies are longing for. I think we are like that with our loving Father more often than we realise. We struggle and push and fight. If only we would truly hear that what He is offering us is peace, security and rest.
‘Instead, I am content and at peace. As a child lies quietly in its mother’s arms, so my heart is quiet within me.”
Ps 131:2 (Good News Translation)
We know, as it says in Genesis, that God created us in His image.
Then the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils and the man became a living person.
Genesis 2:7(NLT)
Our Lord stooped down to hand fashion us, from the dust and from the rib, and our breath is His breath. We live with HIS breath of life in us. He created us, he KNOWS us. We are His.
OUR identity lies in CHRIST, and Christ alone.
“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”
Jeremiah 1:5 (NLT)
As The LORD had specifically formed Jeremiah, and had a calling and a purpose laid out for him, so is His plan for you. He has given you your body, skills, personality, weaknesses and strengths. He knows everything about you and he says you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps 139:14)He is not disappointed or disillusioned with you. You are His handiwork. Just as He placed Jeremiah where He needed him, and Moses and Joseph where He needed them. He has placed you exactly where He needs you, RIGHT NOW!
Dear Mother, stop your kicking and fussing. Be still in your Father’s arms. Rest in His presence. Do the thing He has placed before you. Pray and listen. Don’t overthink.
“The more we get what we now call “ourselves” out of the way and let Him take us over,
C.S.Lewis (Mere Christianity)
the more truly ourselves we become. “
The more you seek The Lord, and the more you learn about His character, the more you will learn about yourself. Who do you say that He is?
Who does He say that you are?
- loved
- sufficient
- intricately designed
- beautifully hand crafted
- covered by His Grace
- purpose made
- enough
- seen
- known
He led the Israelites one step at a time through the desert, and He will lead you one step at a time, too. He uses imperfect people to fulfil his PERFECT will. It is in our weakness that He is strong (2 Cor 12:9) It’s not about you. It’s about Him. Seek Him first. Put your trust in Him. And take the next step.
Show me your ways, Lord,
Psalm 25:4-5 (NIV)
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
