Part 4 in the Friendship Series

In this series so far, we have looked at Why women NEED friends, how to Have the friendships you have always desired, and 10 ways to be a LIFE GIVING friend. In this post, I will be looking at some common mistakes that we could make, that render it difficult for others to enjoy friendships with us.

5 Common mistakes that could cause you to lose friends

Possessiveness : looks like – always expecting to be the included and “best” friend. If you find out your friend did something with another friend, or shared something with them – you feel “hurt” or “wounded”
Being Jealous: looks like – being “wounded” or “hurt” when your friend spent time with others, and acting on this by letting your friend or others know by words, body language or tone that you are annoyed and “upset” as a result of being “left out”
Being controlling or demanding: looks like any of these – expecting your friend to be there whenever you need them. To text back straight away. To come over if you need help. To be available for anything you organise. To remember all birthdays, special occasions, significant events and to keep every gift you give them and recall details about the gift giving. Expecting your friend to include you in everything and seek your input on everything.
Taking offence: being “offended” or upset at anything you deem it necessary to be offended or upset at – they forgot your birthday, invited another friend for tea, gave away the tea towel you gave them, didn’t invite your child to play that day, didn’t call or message you all week. Looks like – silent treatment. A cold shoulder. Sulking. Expressing how “hurt” you feel.
Being self centred: looks like – talking all the time. Or talking about your self or things pertaining to you, your family, your interests, work, hobbies, health, or ill health at every opportunity. Failing to listen carefully but jumping in with your own example of the story being shared. Expecting your needs to be met, but failing to consider the needs of a friend. Failing to ask questions about the story or information being shared or to seek to understand the emotions behind the communication.

These common mistakes creep in more often than you would know. We all have a tendency to veer towards one or all of these. They stem from neediness, which is as a result of insecurities in us because we aren’t getting our needs met at the feet of Jesus. If we default to the attitudes and actions outlined above, we communicate a lack of respect for our friend, their time, their commitments and their independence. These mistakes make us draining, life-sapping friends who are hard to be around. Instead of enjoying a relaxed, warm friendship with us, these behaviours cause our friends to be on edge and over cautious around us, uneasily expecting the next bout of unpredictable reactions. Friendship is about giving of ourselves. It is not self-serving.

Let us ensure we self reflect in order to be the kind of friend Jesus teaches us about. Pray as you read this list and ask the Lord to show you if you need to deal with any of the tendencies mentioned. When you face your shortcomings, with His help, you can grow to be who he has made you to be – A life giving, energising friend in a mutually beneficial relationship.

Listen to the podcast on this topic: https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/2iKN21lTFNb