Raising teenagers in a changing world – Part 3
Just a few more ideas to complete my thoughts on raising teenagers which I’ll cover briefly.
1. Focus on being a parent and not a friend.
I’ve observed a change in the way parents tend to relate to their young children and teenagers since we brought up our sons. Parents are trying to please their children rather than the children trying to please their parents. This can weaken the parents’ authority and ultimately lead to disrespect of the authority of teachers and for some, disrespect for the law. We need to model respect by the way we respect their father or vice versa. Each parent should always encourage their children to respect the other parent even in separated situations. Though in some situations the teens need to understand that not everything the other parent does is acceptable.
2. Avoid talking down to teens.
As one communication course we used to teach encourages—change ‘you’ statements into ‘I’ statements. Eg. NOT You are always lazy BUT I feel disrespected when you don’t do chores as we agreed.
3. Know when to stop arguing.
Sometimes you just need to let them be wrong. When my son shared this idea, it reminded me of a similar statement a seasoned mother of teenagers passed on to me when our sons were in their teens. She put it this way, “Let go and let God.” Sometimes we just need to trust God to work in our teens lives. His timing is not always ours.
4. Keep promises re attending sports events etc.
This is important for all age groups. We may not think so, but it is as important to teens as it is to young children. A word of caution—don’t embarrass your teens by going over the top in cheering them on etc! Also, be there to encourage them if they didn’t do as well as they’d hoped.
5. Give guidance and coaching without excessive lecturing.
According to Ana (Jovanovic) Sokolovic – Clinical Psychologist: “The odds are that the moment you start to lecture them, your teen is checking out of the conversation. They’ll think that you care more about what you have to say, than trying to understand their point of view.
I know it can feel like things would be much easier if they “listen to you” but lecturing is one of the least effective ways they learn from their experiences…” rather: “Inspire forward thinking with questions such as: “Knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?” or “What do you feel would be helpful in this situation?””
https://parentingpod.com/how-to-talk-to-teenagers/
6. Think carefully about the influence of media and devices on your teens.
Do your research, have a discussion with your teens and work out a family policy together.
Here are some resources to help you navigate this area:
https://media.focusonthefamily.com/free-downloads/pdf/TechDownload_redesign-jc.pdf
And this is a really great website to keep you abreast of the latest developments to be aware of in order to guide your family well:
https://becomingscreenwise.com
7.Get to know your teen’s friends.
Encourage your teens to invite their friends home and make sure they introduce their friends to you. Remember their friends’ names and take an interest in them. Food is good at breaking down barriers. Have a speciality eg. fresh muffins. I know it works with boys!
8. Most of all, show unconditional love, respect and support.
It’s normal to have problems between teens and their parents but with God’s help and a thoughtful approach, the teen years can be the best years in your family life.
Blessings,
Grandma Adele
