by Brookelynne
I used to struggle almost daily with anxiety. Anxiety driven by a fear of failure to be “good”. I felt that I needed to be seen as perfect. Perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect daughter, perfect daughter-in-law, perfect sister, and perfect friend. I needed to be “good” enough for God and “good” enough for my family and friends. This would lead me to load my plate FULL of study, work, exercise, diets, Church life, and social events just to look the part and feel like I am being a “good” biblical woman. When I was ticking all of the boxes I would feel accomplished but as soon as I fell short or if someone misunderstood my intentions.. well that would just end up in a anxious meltdown. Ultimately, my way of life left me in a cycle of anxiety because I just could not live to the standard that I would place on myself.
For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh.
Romans 8:3
Lately, God has been showing me the pointlessness of living this way. It is almost as if I had placed myself under the old covenant so that I could feel as though I earned my salvation. For SURE I gave myself much more credit for how my life was panning out than I deserved. Little did I realise that looking at my life through this lens takes the glory away from God. As soon as I begin to think highly of myself, it takes away from what God has done in my life. There is something so peace-giving in accepting there is nothing I can do to make my life more holy than realise that I am so unholy, imperfect, and not in control of anything except how I respond to situations.
All of this, that I have in life, is from God. Not earned by me. It is God’s to give me and God’s to take away. That used to make me so anxious but now that concept only brings me peace that there is nothing in my power I can do to be holy, rather, I can only boast in Christ Jesus. I am now grateful for every blessing God gives and provides us with each day, knowing that it is all so fragile and temporary if God only decides to take it away.
Let us then approach God’s grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help is in our time of need.
Hebrews 4:16
